after I t-boned a cop car
which killed it.
I got shock
and whiplash,
have a throat infection,
glands like golf balls
and can’t swallow
(insert gag here).
Thought i was gonna have a baby and
have approx 60 bites from
bed-bugs-slash-midge-type-things.
Bizarrely all since you left.
Anything you wanna tell me?
like…
… do you have fleas?
This was an actual text I sent after a one-night stand with an Australian DJ who was over in New Zealand on tour (he shall remain nameless).
I read this as “I am a witty, interesting type who you should definitely want to have a 2nd night stand with and introduce to all your wicked musician pals when I get to OZ. Even though I don’t want you, you should want me”.
It is difficult to read tone in e-mails.
He read it as “I am a psycho bunny boiler” and replied with “I told my girlfriend my bruises were from a fight”.
Funnily enough he’d never mentioned her.
