My life (well, car) has gone downhill since you left.

My car is deaded
after I t-boned a cop car,
which killed it.
I got shock
and whiplash,
have a throat infection,
glands like golf balls
and can’t swallow.
(Insert gag here.)
Thought I was gonna have a baby and
have approx 60 bites from
bed bugs-slash-midge-type things.
Bizarrely, all since you left.
Anything you wanna tell me?


Is it a poem if I press return every so often?

This is a real text sent in 2004 after a night out with an Australian breaks DJ on tour. He shall remain nameless. He simply replied, “I told my girlfriend my bruises were from a fight”. Funnily enough he’d never mentioned her.

He’s still on my facebook friends though, so that’s nice.


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