DOUBLE-BAG IT

ManzAxtor collaboration: Illustration by Axtorworld. Photo chaos caused by Lisa ‘Manzanita’ Goldapple

I’ll tell you one problem with travelling alone. It’s that you can only see things through your own P.O.V.

Not in a metaphorical sense, I mean quite literally with your eyes.

I wish I had one of those Thom Yorke helmets with a camera attached to it, then I could witness atrocities like this from another’s viewpoint (see Radiohead video below).

PHOTO TAKEN JUST AFTER an X-ray security official rushed over to return the carrier bag of carefully selected Duty Free Mendozan Malbec I’d accidentally left in the scanner. He warned me to be careful as one of the handles was broken.

I gave him a ‘muscle arm’ gesture and a wink.

What the fuck, do I look clumsy?

Yes

PHOTO TAKEN JUST BEFORE the passport control official at the desk under the arrow had a shitfit at me. Turns out you’re not supposed to take photos through security in an airport.

Or make it look likes there’s been a bloody massacre.

Who knew?

Cue mucho shouting.

Check out the other travellers completely ignoring the situation, backing away as the mess spread – and my sad little pink travel pillow R.I.P.

So I had to return home, boozeless – and then discovered that the 3 very expensive bottles of wine I’d smuggled in my backpack for months had also smashed. Had to dye all my clothes black and now look like a goth.

Still, not as bad as when I made an ill-advised joke about Semtex at the French border and got my mother and myself hauled away by security in Paris for a bum search. No photographic evidence that time.

Mum still won’t talk about it.

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4 thoughts on “DOUBLE-BAG IT

  1. Ha …great post. Always ship seperately …although my buffaloes leg still got broken on that one from Vietnam. Otherwise, Fed Ex or UPS is the way to go.

    Great picture, I especially like the people just ignoring it. At first glance it looks like someone got shot …John

  2. Man was it a good one? I’d have licked it and asked someone else to take a picture of me. I once put a bottle of nice Spanish wine in my luggage and when I went to pick my bag from the conveyor belt there was a minor puddle of wine underneath and an oriental-looking woman went berserk and started shouting “blood, blood, there’s blood!!!” and obviously a supervisor rushed to the scene and I kind of felt like a Hannibal Lecter for a second or two… Jajajaja… Good wine is worth the risk.

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