Just over two months ago we launched a competition to find the best, undiscovered writing talent. We called it ‘Feed Your Head’.
Inspired by Bjork’s Possibly Maybe, ‘The Ticking Dick’ is writer Lisa Goldapple’s submission. Lisa’s story is based on a brief relationship with ‘Axtor’, an Argentinean artist, fitted with a pacemaker who fantasises about impregnating his love interest with Siamese twins. With a drop intro that made us rewind and read it again, we’d be lying if we said it didn’t make us blush.
Read More DAZED & CONFUSED SHORT STORY COMPETITION
‘Fatty Deposito’ is a fat lump. A massive five-inch eyesore of a gelatinous lump. He is ending his life being hacked out of my body in a sketchy hospital in Argentina, with the name and birth date of the Canadian blonde whose identity I’ve borrowed wrapped around my wrist. If I die right here […]
Read More THE LIFE AND DEATH OF FATTY DEPOSITO R.I.P.
In Buenos Aires, fitting in is a more complicated process than simply knowing your steak, wine and football, or becoming a pro at multiple-dog walking, staring and protesting. Here are some ways you can act, live and love like a local. If you follow them you might just avoid men on passing motorbikes hollering “gringa!” (but […]
Read More HOW TO ACT LIKE A LOCAL IN BUENOS AIRES
My guide to Argentina’s capital for glossy South African travel mag, Latitude Magazine- what to do, where to eat and tango secrets.
Read More INSIDER’S GUIDE TO BUENOS AIRES
When in Buenos Aires, open your eyes and bellies to the craze that keeps evolving – underground supper clubs. Last week I dined with an ousted cult from Alabama, a brain surgeon on sabbatical and an ex-prostitute from Amsterdam, complete with mini-me poodle (still a poodle). Welcome to the puerta cerrada closed-door dining experience. Fixed menus, themed nights and paired wines, all hosted in someone’s house. It sounds very bourgeois bohemian, doesn’t it? That’s because it is.
Read More BUENOS AIRES SUPPER CLUBS: Go underground or go home
Remember Bambi, that carefree fawn galavanting about in the forest before reaching his (Spoiler Alert) mum’s untimely death? Those were Patagonian trees. How about the grandiose Himalayas in Seven Years in Tibet? They’re the Andes acting as location-doubles. As for the bleak mountains on the border of Chile and Argentina in Alive? – OK, that’s […]
Read More Top Argentine Film Locations
Buenos Aires. Meaty Mecca for overdosing on chargrilled cow. The capital of mate, of the mullet, and of dancing to the most melancholy music in the world. The only city in the world where staring at strangers, joining a picket line, feasting at midnight, multiple dog walking, drumming up drama, weekly therapy, and cheat nights (that […]
Read More 20 Things You Would Not Expect to do in Buenos Aires
We met on the platform at Tottenham Court Road, chatted in Spanish and then kissed. Lots. In a South American way, not a British way. I didn’t even check if he was an erudite, literary, cultured, stylish cunt (with a long tongue). I just got off at my stop, Chalk Farm. Not un-nice at all. […]
Read More I KISSED AN ARGENTINE ON THE TUBE
“I can’t get the apple off the head. It’s sore. The Sharpie hurt it. The tip is most sensitive, you know?”
Read More THE TICKING DICK
Full of extremes and drama, the skies of Buenos Aires are as tormented as its tango and its people. One minute the heavens above the Argentine capital are smiling – and the next they’ve opened up. Rain = Floods = Chaos. Porteños are hesitant to go out when it’s tempestuous – and not just because […]
Read More WHAT TO DO WHEN IT RAINS IN BUENOS AIRES: MY TOP 20 TIPS
As published in Journey Latin America’s Papagaio magazine. http://www.journeylatinamerica.co.uk/papagaio/Top5/bars-in-Buenos-Aires.aspx\ May 2012 Guest post by Lisa Goldapple, a regular contributor to The Real Argentina. The panic caused by a London pub’s “last orders” bell is something Britain knows all too well. While we’re downing drinks like there’s no manaña, Buenos Aires rests easy in the knowledge that they […]
Read More TOP 5 BARS IN BUENOS AIRES
I’ll tell you one problem with travelling alone. It’s that you can only see things through your own P.O.V. Not in a metaphorical sense, I mean quite literally with your eyes. I wish I had one of those Thom Yorke helmets with a camera attached to it, then I could witness atrocities like this from […]
Read More DOUBLE-BAG IT
If you’ve come to Argentina under the illusion you’re in for a heat sensation of the oral variety, then you’re wrong. No warm reception here. I have a spice vice, a chilli fetish. I like it hot. And we’re talking serious heat. No pussying around with a Korma curry. I scissor skinny bird’s-eyes raw into […]
Read More VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE, BUT I PREFER CHILLIES