Just over two months ago we launched a competition to find the best, undiscovered writing talent. We called it ‘Feed Your Head’.
Inspired by Bjork’s Possibly Maybe, ‘The Ticking Dick’ is writer Lisa Goldapple’s submission. Lisa’s story is based on a brief relationship with ‘Axtor’, an Argentinean artist, fitted with a pacemaker who fantasises about impregnating his love interest with Siamese twins. With a drop intro that made us rewind and read it again, we’d be lying if we said it didn’t make us blush.
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Fatty Deposito is a fat lump. A massive five-inch eyesore of a gelatinous lump. He is ending his life being hacked out of my body in a third world hospital in Argentina with the name and birth date of the Canadian blonde whose identity I’ve stolen wrapped around my wrist. If I die right here […]
Read more "THE LIFE AND DEATH OF FATTY DEPOSITO R.I.P."
As a kind of foreplay before mating, female giraffes will urinate in the male’s mouth. – Uberfacts My rules used to be “No shit, no blood, no piss”. Now they’re simply “No shit, no piss”. Blood is fine. You get used to it when your ex’s party trick is removing your tampon with his teeth and […]
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“I can’t get the apple off the head. It’s sore. The Sharpie hurt it. The tip is most sensitive, you know?”
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I did. I royally ballsed it up and missed the balls at the Bacchanalia Ball. Literally couldn’t see the wood for the trees. In my world the Bacchanalia Ball involved drinking, dancing (loose term), gibbering gibberish, flailing and flitting and some damn sexy outfits. What fun, ho. But this is how it and everyone else […]
Read more "CAN YOU GO TO AN ORGY AND NOT NOTICE?"