I like to compare myself to the Puriri Moth. This creature survives in a cocoon for decades until it finally burrows out to explore the world. Except this moth only lives for 24 hours. And it spends that day fucking. After which it dies. The Puriri moth doesn’t even have a mouth, one-track-mind-ed little fucker that […]Read more "THE GHOST MOTH"
We met on the platform at Tottenham Court Road, chatted in Spanish and then kissed. Lots. In a South American way, not a British way. I didn’t even check if he was an erudite, literary, cultured, stylish cunt (with a long tongue). I just got off at my stop, Chalk Farm. Not un-nice at all. […]Read more "I KISSED AN ARGENTINE ON THE TUBE"
My car is deaded after I t-boned a cop car, which killed it. I got shock and whiplash, have a throat infection, glands like golf balls and can’t swallow. (Insert gag here.) Thought I was gonna have a baby and have approx 60 bites from bed bugs-slash-midge-type things. Bizarrely, all since you left. Anything you wanna […]Read more "My life (well, car) has gone downhill since you left."
I found a sesame seed on my face. And then I realised, Oh yes! I ate some sesame seeds before. (That explains it.) I rubbed my eye. It burned. And then I realised, Oh yes! I cut some chilies before. (That explains it.) I wrote a poem, when drunk. And then I realised, Oh yes! […]Read more "I found a Sesame Seed on my Face"