Just over two months ago we launched a competition to find the best, undiscovered writing talent. We called it ‘Feed Your Head’.
Inspired by Bjork’s Possibly Maybe, ‘The Ticking Dick’ is writer Lisa Goldapple’s submission. Lisa’s story is based on a brief relationship with ‘Axtor’, an Argentinean artist, fitted with a pacemaker who fantasises about impregnating his love interest with Siamese twins. With a drop intro that made us rewind and read it again, we’d be lying if we said it didn’t make us blush.
Read more "DAZED & CONFUSED SHORT STORY COMPETITION"
As a kind of foreplay before mating, female giraffes will urinate in the male’s mouth. – Uberfacts My rules used to be “No shit, no blood, no piss”. Now they’re simply “No shit, no piss”. Blood is fine. You get used to it when your ex’s party trick is removing your tampon with his teeth and […]
Read more "MR. PAIN"
We met on the platform at Tottenham Court Road, chatted in Spanish and then kissed. Lots. In a South American way, not a British way. I didn’t even check if he was an erudite, literary, cultured, stylish cunt (with a long tongue). I just got off at my stop, Chalk Farm. Not un-nice at all. […]
Read more "I KISSED AN ARGENTINE ON THE TUBE"
If you’ve come to Argentina under the illusion you’re in for a heat sensation of the oral variety, then you’re wrong. No warm reception here. I have a spice vice, a chilli fetish. I like it hot. And we’re talking serious heat. No pussying around with a Korma curry. I scissor skinny bird’s-eyes raw into […]
Read more "VARIETY IS THE SPICE OF LIFE, BUT I PREFER CHILLIES"
I did. I royally ballsed it up and missed the balls at the Bacchanalia Ball. Literally couldn’t see the wood for the trees. In my world the Bacchanalia Ball involved drinking, dancing (loose term), gibbering gibberish, flailing and flitting and some damn sexy outfits. What fun, ho. But this is how it and everyone else […]
Read more "CAN YOU GO TO AN ORGY AND NOT NOTICE?"
My car is deaded after I t-boned a cop car, which killed it. I got shock and whiplash, have a throat infection, glands like golf balls and can’t swallow. (Insert gag here.) Thought I was gonna have a baby and have approx 60 bites from bed bugs-slash-midge-type things. Bizarrely, all since you left. Anything you wanna […]
Read more "My life (well, car) has gone downhill since you left."